By Dave "3D" Hauser

April 30, 2006

Jake's been pressuring me to write a Hydrodunk article for a while now. And I've trying to write one, sitting before my computer with eyes locked upon the black blinking bar on the word screen that mocks my empty page and empty mind. This occurred for a several nights. Nothing came to mind; nothing was written.

My days seemed as if they were choreographed by one of those prancing ballet instructors. The alarm clock screeches, and you shower before your morning classes. Then you work all afternoon and evening, embrace an hour of absurdity with [adult swim], and pass out. The next day starts the same as the previous one, and even God himself feels a slight tinge of déjà vu upon seeing this.

But this weekend I got drunk and things changed. My friend and I got into a discussion about religion and post-modernism. Statements were said and mindsets were changed. The dialogue won't be replicated here as it is beyond the scope of this paper. You can find it in the appendix section or simply view Figure 12-3a on the next page. However, the main point of this follows: while I may hold an agnostic/postmodern view towards religion and purpose and goals in life, I don't embrace it and my behaviors don't reflect it.

Press pause for clarification. An agnostic/postmodern worldview basically assumes a position of "I don't know... stop talking to me," in response to questions of religion and purpose and truth. While this may appear as a simply apathetic disposition, it differs from apathy in that it requires heavy and deep thought first invested into these philosophical questions. In response to this cogitation, the agnostic/postmodernist asserts that these questions cannot be answered and instead chooses to embrace what he only knows to be true: the present and himself.

Pretty gear philosophical mindset eh? I'm that. However, as mentioned before, my behaviors don't fall into its line. One harkens back to the actions of the Beats and other counter-cultures before their obsession with Buddhism and other "anti-popculture" eastern philosophies took root. They simply lived, discussing but never finding an answer, and never viewing their worries of the past or future because of the constant haze of firewater.

I, however, do not do that. I try to understand my teacher's lessons. I read the chapter before class so I know what the professor is talking about. I get pissed if I get a B-. I work to reach a higher purpose. My behaviors are my remnants of theism. It required a drunken state for me to realize this.

So now I turn to Hydrodunk. I have always adored the sport in a way hard for me to describe. In my failure to write about it, my frustration in how to appropriately express my love of the sport grew. However, my drunken moment of clarity has granted me new eyes, which now see the appeal of Hydrodunk.

In my life, conflicted between striving for a higher purpose and embracing the present, Hydrodunk fulfills those two ideologies. Floating upon the gusts of air, the ball exchanging between hands and under legs with the swiftness of perpetual motion, rocking the ball through the hoop, emerging from the water to hear the elation of your peers - this is the higher purpose of Hydrodunk. The creation of something unique and awe-inspiring satiates my need for fulfillment.

Then there is the worldly, everyday quality of the sport - the laughter and tomfoolery and poppycockery that occurs on any given dunk session. The moments we converge to dunk contain that raw joy of guideless dicking-around, not caring how the current action fits with your future or your past or toward some overarching purpose in life. It's simply dunking to dunk which completes my need of simply living for the present and yourself.

So I just laid it all out for you. Any questions, see me after the semester ends. I'll be the one wearing the wet swimming trunks all summer.

Also, note that my opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the other Hydrodunkers.